God's Best

I realize that I kind of fail in the blogging department, it has definitely been since February that I posted anything...and that is silly. Im wanting to get into the habit of writing more frequently. Its good for reflection-to see where I have been, how far I have come, its therapeutic to get your thoughts and feelings out there...of course you know that already...youre bloggers.

ANYWAYS. My life is crazy-but not crazy at all at the same time. I have graduated from college-what!!!???? I know right! I spent another summer at Forest Home-one that I really wrestled with, I wasnt sure if I wanted to come back or not, but I did end up deciding to go back and I am so glad that I did. It was a different kind of summer, thats all I can really say. Dynamics were different on our staff, which is to be expected, it wasnt bad, just different. I was placed in that staff for a reason. The girls who were in my cabin were there for a reason. God worked through and in me this summer. While last summer was about coming into my own, and out of my comfort zone, this summer was about taking ownership of my summer and who I am turning out to be. I made some great friends this summer and that is why I was there. To build the relationships, to have people rely on me and to know that they would do anything for me.

Love. Love. Love.

The season of summer may be over now-even though with this weather it sure does not feel like it, my life is still in a bit of a summer. I live in a house with 5 other girls, we call it The Mermaid Lagoon. Im not in school and currently not working. My days are filled with friends, Disneyland, the beach, trips home and lots and lots of reality tv. I will be honest here, I do not hate my life. I do not feel fulfilled either. I feel as though I have no purpose, I am floating around with no direction, its frustrating. Im pursuing different options, but nothing solid-I turned down a nanny job...but who knows I may be going back to them soon.

All of this aside, I am still trying to cultivate growth within myself. I am trying to trust God and want His best. Not my best, not what I think is best, but actually God's best. This is hard for me. Sometimes, I think that I try to make an ok situation into the perfect situation. A lot of times I think this is most evident in relationships. I will have a good situation going, try to make it work but know in the back of my mind that it really cant work-but I so desperately want it to! So I ignore the little things-the things that are easily dismissed, and try to convince myself that this is perfect. All the while knowing that it is not God's best.

I have come to this conclusion before- I think that the first time was in high school, that to "attract" the type of man that I want to marry...I have to actually be the type of woman that he would want to marry. So I need to be striving for God's best in my life-actively praying and being in the Word, seeking wisdom from those around me, acting in a way that is pure and honoring to God. My decisions need to be Christ centered.

All this to say, I am trying not to settle-in any area of my life and I am encouraging you to do likewise. Strive for God's best, in your work, in your relationships...in all that you do!